just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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