I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
