She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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