I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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