I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
