I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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