He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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