is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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