ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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