you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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