the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
