I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
