We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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