i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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