took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He shit in the fireplace
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
