two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have post one night stand depression
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
