I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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