I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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