He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
