I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
