Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
