I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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