the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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