just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize