I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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