i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
