You smell like a Billy Joel song
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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