How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just invented taco cereal.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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