I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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