hotel room ftw
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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