can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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