I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
