she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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