I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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