i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
