is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
