remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
