I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize