oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize