hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
