Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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