The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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