I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
