and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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