Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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