dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
