in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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