$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
