There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
