If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
