I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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