you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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