we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize