Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
