So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
