My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
