I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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