I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
