My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize