Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
