i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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