So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
we're so committed to being not committed
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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