I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
