today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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