remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
