Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
