we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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