Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
