i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
